Ace of GayOrbit penned this post, and I thought my head would explode by the time I was done reading:
On July 8th, in front of hundreds of guests and 8,000 strangers, Dave Kerpen and Caroline Fisher will be married in the Brooklyn Cyclones ballpark. How does one afford such an extravagant ceremony? Corporate sponsorships, of course! The Kerpen-Fisher union is being underwritten by such advertisers as 1-800 FLOWERS, a bakery, a jeweler, and a local event planning company, among others.
If you want a big wedding and this is the way for you to accomplish that, more power to you. Just as we say “against gay marriage? don’t marry one then,” a wedding belongs to the couple getting married and no one else (although some mothers-of-the-bride would probably beg to differ). However, if a gay couple did something like this, it would be labeled “a stunt,” and the reactionaries would be screaming about how gays are disrespecting the sacred institution…blah, blah, blah.
How tacky is THAT? Talk about the ultimate in superficial, consumerist, reality-tv like self-promotion. And hello, Christian America? Where’s the outrage, huh? Many (not all, I know!) of you don’t support the GLBT community’s desire to have marriage rights, and yet I hear nary a sound about how the Kerpen-Fisher union degrades marriage. Where’s the apoplectic ranting, complete with hellfire and damnation for the abject avarice of this “wedding”? I’m also waiting for the doomsday predictions that within ten years most wedding gowns with have Go Daddy or NFL or Overstock.com logos on them for ad purposes.
If I sound a little angry, it’s because I am. It peeves me to no end to see people who take what should be a family-centric and non-commercial act of LOVE and turn it into a three-ring circus, complete with streaming video- and probably freakin’ RSS feeds. And yet, I and other gay Americans are denied that right. We can’t even elope or go see the justice of the peace. And to protect ourselves and make sure our bases are covered, we have to pay top-dollar in attorney fees for things every heterosexual can have instaneously.
For every Britney and Mr. What’s-his-name in Vegas, for every Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson, for every JLo and Ojai Noa, there is a gay couple who’s been together for years and demonstrated true devotion and love. We are barred from very little, these days. But being barred from marriage is the toughest, because it represents the last bastion of inequality and bias between us and the rest of the nation.
We just want fair, equal, legal rights afforded to everyone else. We don’t want it to “push an agenda” down your throats. We want it so we can enjoy our lives in peace, to maintain our homes and our families. And we want marriage rights so we can love, honor, and cherish each other openly- something we are still fighting for, every day.
Technorati Tags: Corporate sponsorships, wedding, gay marriage, marriage rights, equal
I know! Seriously, we’re damned if we do and damned if we don’t and all the while stupid people get to do dumb shit like this and there’s no politicians stepping in to save them from themselves.
Lach-
Does it help any to learn that Dave & Carrie support marriage equality? Check out the comment they left on the blog…they apparently have their own wedding blog (which goes nicely with the coporate sponsorship concept).
Yes, it does, Ace. But I still remain unenthused and even angry against taking a wedding and making it an ad campaign.
This whole gay marriage issue is really starting to get under my skin, especially today when NPR played a sound bite from the president: “…the United States will not ignore your oppression, or excuse your oppressors. When you stand for your liberty, we will stand with you.” Unless, of course, you’re gay – he seemed to forget that part of the sentence. In and of itself, the denial of marriage rights to same sex couples makes me want to scream. Then I see a story like this, and I think my head just might go ahead and explode, finally.
Great post. Blogging about it is great in getting your thoughts out there, but more people like you need to publish their thoughts in letters to the editors of their local papers.
It’s inconceivable to me that this type of ‘stunt’ hasn’t had more negative publicity.
Hmm…I am not outraged by this stunt. If someone has the the gall to pull of such a thing more power to them, why should it upset anyone? I have been married for 16 years (a long time for a guy that’s 38!) and the fact that these people have no tact doesn’t affect how I feel about marriage in general OR my marriage specifically. Why would it? Why should it? I don’t see the point in getting upset.
However, I am also a straight white male and have never been part of a group that has had it’s rights withheld from them and/or trampled on as gays have in this country, so perhaps it is hard for me to relate or understand your position in this instance, although Lach you know how strongly I feel about the issue.
Marriage is rarely a pure “family-centric and non-commercial act of LOVE”, if it were more people would care less about flowers, colors, caterers, who’s getting invited, what the bridesmaids will wear, where the reception will be, etc. Marriage in general is so whacked out in this world that i can’t see the point in getting upset by the fact that these people have taken it a step further than (IMHO) good taste dictates. Of course, spending $20k on an hour long ceremony that statistics tell us will end in divorce 50%+ of the time is a little obscene as well.
It’s too bad that we don’t live in a world where people who love each other can get married (in the legal sense) and enjoy the benefits thereof. What a shame that two committed people such as my little sis Lach and her lovely soul mate Bayou can’t tie the knot (again legally) and celebrate their love in that manner. It peeves me!
In my book, if you LOVE the other person you should be able to marry them. Corporate sponsorships and all…
The Geek
Adam, you raise some good points. One thing I failed to elucidate on very well is the sheer consumerist aspect of all this. Doesn’t anyone see a problem with this? I would think that Christians and non-Christians can see how having freaking corporate sponsorship detracts from what SHOULD be the focus- committment, honoring love, trust, and family.
So maybe tact was the wrong word, but I find it so galling to see this sort of thing go on when I can’t even have a smidge of it (Unless I move to MA). It’s a mockery and that’s why it bugs me.
I agree with Lachlan’s main point. It’s really nauseating to have to listen to the endless fright-wing yapping about the “sanctity of marriage” when we discuss gays, but then hear nary a peep from them when a marriage is approached in such an incredibly UNsacred way by straight people. It’s a great example of how religious rhetoric is trotted out when it’s convenient (like when one needs to rationalize discrimination) and forgotten just as easily when it’s not.
What’ll you bet this couple has a prenup the size of a Time-Life home-repair manual?
About the most charitable thing I can say about them is that they seem to be missing the point.
I am totally and completely in support of gay marriage…
Just wanted get that out there before I point out a couple things no one has mentioned yet….
Weddings are EXPENSIVE….I should know, I’ve watched family and friends plan 3 in the last year, and they went broke doing so. So what if this couple has figured out a way to pay for theirs? We should applaud them for working the system! We happily take discounts from vendors for recommending them to friends, etc., don’t we? I suppose this is just on a larger scale (after all, what isn’t on a larger scale in NYC?)
And how many married couples out there can really say that they didn’t have to cut any costs??? Could you imagine being able to afford to invite every single person you wanted to without taking out a loan or refinancing your mortgage to pay for your wedding?
Also, no one has mentioned that this couple is giving a considerable donation to charity on their wedding day.
If there are lessons in the Bible and following those lessons is what Christians are supposed to do then what is the lesson of Jesus in the temple?
Wouldn’t that lesson apply here? Didn’t the Big J get a few veins poppin’ with the folks selling stuff in the temple on his Pop’s favorite day? That same thing wouldn’t apply here? I think Jesus is hoppin’ pissed.
You are not angry at Carrie and Dave… You are not angry at the so-called “marriage exploitation” either. You are mad because as a gay man, you are unable to even have the option to have a wedding on a baseball field in brooklyn… Hate and anger beget hate and anger… Don’t fall in to those ranks– It’s a sad place to be… Celebrate people’s differences and choices and hope that they will celebrate yours in return… Be good to each other.
DS, I’m gay, but I’m NOT a man.
And I never said I was mad at them. I’m mad at the inequity and the continued struggle. If you had to live with it, you’d find yourself railing against it too, on occasion. But I’m guessing you don’t.
Uptown, I am well aware that weddings are expensive, but don’t you see the consumerist/sell-out aspect of doing a wedding this way? Hell, who WOULDN’T want to have their dream wedding and be able to invite everyone under the sun? Most people, I’d wager. But that is not realistic nor is it life. On the flipside, I think it’s wrong to go into debt for the next 20yrs to pay for a wedding.
I guess the crux of it all is this sort of instant-gratification feel that having a corporate sponsor for what is at its heart supposed to be a private event. We all have a bit of us that wants fame and reknown and attention. But do we want to take it so far that we’re exploiting ourselves? Even for charity?
The Geek shrugs and goes back to worrying about my kids, bills, and the RedSox…
ds…
“Celebrate people’s differences and choices and HOPE that they will celebrate yours in return… Be good to each other.”
That one word. That one little word. ‘Hope.’ Besides, if people should be good to each other then we shouldn’t have to rely on the unreliable ‘hope.’
The whole point of this is that our ‘hope’ is squelched by people who rail against our ‘abnormality’ while preaching the purity of the Christian faith and then turn around and give the Christian God a big middle finger.
If you had to live with this hypocrisy everyday you’d be a bit miffed too.
Hey Adam, here are a few things you don’t have to worry about:
Hospital Visitation Rights
Married couples have the automatic right to visit each other in the hospital and make medical decisions. Same sex couples can be denied the right to visit a sick or injured partner in the hospital.
Health insurance
Many public and private employers provide medical coverage to the legal spouses of their employees, but most employers do not provide coverage to the same-sex partners of their employees. LGBT employees who do receive health coverage for their same-sex partners must pay federal income taxes on the value of the insurance. Same-sex couples cannot even buy a family health insurance policy on the open market.
Spousal Privilege
Spousal privilege, granted to married couples, is the right of a person to refuse to testify against their spouse in the court of law.
Inheritance rights
When a married person’s spouse dies, the survivor can automatically inherit a substantial share from the deceased spouse’s estate regardless of whether a will exists. Without marriage, a same-sex partner has no automatic right to inherit.
Family leave
Married workers in many workplaces are legally entitled to unpaid leave from their jobs to care for an ill spouse but workers with same-sex partners have no right to family leave.
Pensions
After the death of a worker, most pension plans pay survivor benefits only to a legal spouse of the participant – so surviving same-sex partners get no pension support for their surviving partners. Any pension dies with the worker.
Nursing homes
Married couples have a legal right to live together in nursing homes. An unmarried and elderly same-sex couple does not have the right to spend their final days together in a nursing home.
Home protection
Laws protect married seniors from being forced to sell their homes to pay high nursing-home bills; seniors in same-sex relationships have no such protection. A non-married partner can be forced to sell his or her own house to repay a state lien for nursing home care. A non-married partner who lives in the home but does not own it could even be forced from the home to pay nursing home costs.
Retirement savings
While a married person can roll over a deceased spouse’s 401(k) or IRA funds into an IRA without paying taxes, surviving partners in same-sex relationships must withdraw the entire amount, pay income taxes on it and also lose the tax deferral benefits of these accounts.
Taxes
Estate taxes. A spouse who dies may leave an unlimited amount of property to the surviving spouse without paying any state or federal estate taxes. Without the benefit of marriage, any amount of property over the federal or state exclusion amounts is taxed.
Social Security benefits
Married people receive Social Security payments upon the death of a spouse. Despite paying payroll taxes, surviving partners in same-sex relationships receive no Social Security survivor benefits resulting in an average annual income loss of $5,528 upon the death of a partner.
But hey Adam, on top of all this shit, I also have to worry about the bills, the kid and…the Astros.
The ASTROS! You do have a lot to worry about! Although you are getting the Rocket back! Elizabeth, I wasn’t trying to make light of the plight of gays and their lack of marriage rights – if you knew me and my relationship with Lach you’d know that.
However, my point was more about the corporate sponsorship of the wedding, I really think it’s much ado about nothing.
I agree with EVERY SINGLE POINT made in your previous comment!
The Geek
Well, last year we were all worried about the Astros but they actually, in MY lifetime, went to the World Series. That, however, was a perfect anomaly.
Do you watch basketball? If you do then you know about the ‘reaction foul.’ That’s what I call it. The ‘reaction foul’ occurs when one guy fouls another and the guy getting fouled reacts. Who gets the call? The one who reacts. And the one who reacts is arguing with the ref trying to explain he was the one who was fouled.
It might be much ado about nothing to you and yet, to me, the point Lachlan is making is that gays are barred from certain rights due to idea that there is some Invisible Guy in the clouds who most people in this country seem to believe in.
This same invisible guy doesn’t like gay people. Well, the invisible guy doesn’t like a lot of things (apparently he has a problem with shrimp too) but the people who believe in the invisible guy keep bringing up the gay thing.
Yet when those same people moon the invisible guy there is no foul called (Corporate marriage? Big mooning of the Invisible Guy. No fault divorce? El grando moon-o. Adultery. Fly me to the moon).
It’s no big deal. Why????? Why is it no big deal. There is a fucking Constitutional Amendment being bantered about yet this is no big deal. I say F-O-U-L.
Do you see how frustrating it can be to see all these fouls and the ref just walks away? You wouldn’t think it was no big deal if it was happening to you.
Well I suppose we COULD ban corporately sponsored marriages too – perhaps that’s the way to handle it? Just joking – call off the dogs.
This is where anything I say will be wrong, so I will just give up. Know that you do have a gay rights supporter here and that I can understand the frustration that gays feel about marriage if only because the person I am closest to in the world besides my wife – Lach – is gay and I feel what she feels, whether you believe i do or not is irrelevant, i do.
Getting mad at these people for pulling this stunt just seems like misguided energy. Perhaps they don’t care about the sanctity of marriage as much as you do. Perhaps they don’t realize that there are people who would give their left arm for the chance to enjoy the rights they are getting, even in this sham of a commercial ceremony. I really can’t say.
All i know is, I STILL don’t think it’s any big deal – and that probably pisses you off. Of course, I don’t think it’s any big deal that my lil sis is a lesbian and that pisses my pastor (and my mother in law, and my seminary teachers, and my next door neighbor, and my bible study partners) off, I don’t think steroids in baseball is a big deal and that pisses my dad off, I don’t Linux is a good operating system and that pisses my geek co-workers off, and i don’t think that most people care about the gays rights issue enough to do more than bitch and moan when things aren’t going their way – and that pisses ME off.
Peace,
Adam
Adam, I think you and Elizabeth are talking about two different things by now.
You’re addressing the Corporate stuff that I got in a tizzy about. She’s more addressing the FMA/Gay rights struggle. Which you both agree on.
Invisible or not, who could possibly not like shrimp?
First of all, it’s clearly obscene that marriage is not open to everyone. It has to happen and it’s beyond a rotten shame it’s not here and now. It stinks big time. Secondly, I think even though you or i wouldn’t want a huge sponsored wedding, it’s important to remember that Dave and Carrie are in the business and they’re brilliant enough to be generating gazilions of dollars of free publicity for what they do to make a living! Not very many people could pull this off. They are good guys. I say let’s put the anger where it belongs! Here’s to love and marriage!
Hi Lily, thanks for the comment.
However, please re-read my post, and its follow up. I’m not angy at them.
i’m the mom of a bride-to-be. (this is hush-hush, but i googled ‘weddings r stupid’ and found your site.) it’s YOUR wedding-do it the way you want, but dont be a sucker.if you’re very rich and have a need to spend a lot of money in just 1 day, go save a starving country. for the amount of money ppl spend on just those crappy gift thingies, you could probably feed 50 orphans for a month. it’s all vanity and herd behavior. do u read the advertising hype? every little doodad that goes along with the wedding becomes a must-have ingredient that affects the whole atmosphere and expresses ‘who u r.’. everyone tries to be so cutesie and original. it’s just not sensible and when u think of how the money could better be spent, it’s really actually socially irresponsible and immoral. but ppl who are getting married dont want to hear that and i dont blame them. you should have fun and celebrate. marriage is a big, exciting step. so after you go to the govt office to deal with the legal part, have a smashing fun party with your friends and family. cant you do that for $5k or less? if u need to spend more, i think u r a sheep or a show-off.