Wow, that felt good. It was seriously overdue. My honey also made a list of main dishes and sides, so we can eat the oldest stuff first. I think this is the first step to getting us back on a healthier, more balanced plane.

Baby steps.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
Geocaching.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn’t make any resolutions.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My Dad, my grandma, and an old friend.

5. What countries did you visit?
Sadly, I was confined to the US this year.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Materially speaking, a finished basement. Otherwise, confidence.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
3/6/09, when Dad died.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I can’t really point to anything. This year was really a lot about surviving and overcoming, but there was not a huge milestone event that would be the “aha” moment.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Gaining weight. Not speaking up about my true feelings re: my job.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yes, both. Knee and neck injuries, swine flu.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Bikes and attending bike racks. GPS is a close second.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
I really don’t have a good answer for this one. Certainly not mine.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
A lot of people’s.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Accumulating then paying off debt.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Geocaching.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
“Wish You Well”, by Katie Herzig

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Sadder
b) thinner or fatter? Fatter
c) richer or poorer? Richer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Talking to my parents. Kayaking. Biking.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Eating & drinking

20. How did you spend Christmas?
At home with my Swine Flu Princess.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
Yes, all over again.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
Trueblood.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I don’t have anyone I hate.

24. What was the best book you read?
“The Code Book”.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Buying the Les Paul and starting to learn harmonica.

26. What did you want and get?
The bikes and bike rack.

27. What did you want and not get?
Cured of my demons.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
None. I don’t watch movies.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 35. It wasn’t much of a celebration, they told me Dad would be removed from life support that day.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
My honey being in less pain.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
A rumpled, ugly mess.

32. What kept you sane?
My honey, friends, and geocaching.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Anna Paquin didn’t hurt my eyes, and neither did Brandi Carlile.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
The gay marriage debates, and the Obama-bashing.

35. Who did you miss?
My Dad, mainly.

36. Who was the best new person you met?
Our friends V & D, via geocaching.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
Make time for those you love, even if it’s not much and it’s not as often as you’d like. It’s better than wishing for conversations that never happened after they’re gone.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
“I/I wanna wish you well/I didn’t watch you go/cause I suppose/I don’t know how/I will remember you/Not the way you left/but how you lived/and what you knew…” -”Wish You Well”

At 12:30, I woke Bayou up, put the kids to bed, and headed into sleep myself. I went to bed thinking of new beginnings, of growth, of healing.

Instead, I dreamed of my Dad and of missed chances and regrets.

I dreamt Bayou, my Dad, and an unidentified male relative of someone’s was seated at restaurant in San Francisco. We were talking and having a good time, when I suddenly, acutely realized time was short. I desperately wanted Dad to meet Bayou’s mom. I began placing calls and trying to track everyone down. I woke up before I could get anything together.

What sticks with me is the sense of urgency, the feeling of trying to change the course of events I know have long past me by. And yet, at least in dreams, I continue to try. This theme keeps cropping up in my dreams- the feeling of time slipping by, being mismanaged/its potential unrealized.

January

I don’t recall a lot happening in January, one way or the other. But Bayou and I did celebrate our 6th anniversary. Oh, and we started our sewing adventures, too.

February

We went to San Diego and had a great time. But as soon as we got back, my cell phone got stolen. AT&T decided to be douches and not give me my iPhone. Bayou got hers, at least.

Then Dad got sick.

I went home, Dad got sicker and was transferred to Columbus Medical Center. AT&T rectified their douchery while I was there, and I got my iPhone. My time off allotment ended and I had to go home.

March

I turned 35. Dad died the next day. We had the funeral March 15th. I gave the eulogy.

We started geocaching, and went to Las Vegas as a stress-reliever. While there we visited a ghost town that I’d been to before, Rhyolite. We drove through Death Valley National Park. It was austerely beautiful.

Two more friends lost their parents soon after Dad passed.

April

Got told I had to change jobs. Got our first tax return as homeowners. That rocked, for sure.

Went to our first Sounders game, courtesy of a friend. We screamed ourselves hoarse.

May

I officially moved jobs only to be forced to work the old one for 2.5 months. Then I had to start taking cholesterol medication. I fell and smacked the crap out of my knee, which still hurts. Nothing good happened in May that I recall. Oh, we did do a Cache In, Trash Out clean up at Discovery Park as part of geocaching, and met some great new friends.

June

Bayou turned 28, and we had a fun party. We got our first geocache placed. Michael Jackson died, and the interwebz when craaaaaazy.

Our garden got great sunlight and was off to a tremendous start.

We got mountain bikes and proceeded to fall hugely in love with them. We also added a rack to the ‘ru so we could transport the bikes.

We took Bayou’s Momma to our favorite getaway, the Shakti Cove cabins down in Long Beach, WA. We had a great time.

I played golf for the first time with my friend Jochen, and man, I sucked. But I can hit the damn ball a mile- just not accurately.

July

We set off fireworks in the street and had an awesome time. We saw a bunch of great concerts, and did a lot hiking. More geocaching, too. It was sunny alllll the time and very warm. We went to Montana and I got to see the reservation where Bayou’s Momma teaches. We helped her place two geocaches. Other highlights included the Medicine Wheel and Mint Bar, in WY. And the weirdness of walking through a gopher colony in a field and listening to them relay your presence from burrow to burrow.

We went to Lake Serene up off the Mountain Loop Highway, and placed a geocache in honor of my Dad. Then we hiked 8mi round-trip up to the Lake and wanted to die. It was the hardest hike we’ve ever done, but SO worth it. At least we rented this great cabin nearby with a hot tub.

Work got horrendously sucky and I finally realized that things were never going to be the same. I asked for a temporary demotion and got it.

We went sailing with our friends P & E, and had a great time until I started to feel a tad seasick, a first. But we had great weather even if the seas were a bit rough.

We participated in a team-based puzzle geocaching event, and got our asses handed to us. But we learned a lot and it re-sparked my interest in cryptography.

We went to the Indigo Girls at the Zoo, whom I had never seen- and we sat front row. I got this amazing shot of Amy Ray. And Bayou took this awesome photo of Brandi Carlile.

We also saw No Doubt courtesy of tickets from Bayou’s office, and I got a few awesome pictures of Gwen Stefani.

Looking back, July was freaking AWESOME. No wonder that’s when I want to get married. Lots of good memories are made that month.

August

More hiking and geocaching. I hiked near Mt. Index with my friend V. We got Rat City Rags up and running. I learned more patience with sewing.

I visited the Ice Caves and Lake 22 with my friend V, also up near the Mountain Loop Highway.

September

Had the ArtWalk, and we did great with our Rat City Rags offerings. Work sucked some more. We hiked some and did a little geocaching.

We canned pickles for the first time. They turned out ok, if a bit salty, for the first try. We definitely can’t wait to do it again.

October

Worked continued its suckage. Football was in swing and I realized I missed it more than before Dad died. Someone anonymously sent my mom $500.

We had our annual Pumpkin Carving with Texass and Teach. It was fantabulous!

November

My paternal grandma died 11/11. The same week, my old roommate in Atlanta died age 41 from lymphoma. We paid off a few debts and put a plan in place to deal with the rest.

We bought the Les Paul & Marshall amp. Bayou got accepted to the Master Gardener Program. Bayou’s Momma came out for Thanksgiving and we had a great time. We visited these ladies for an all-women Turkey Day which was enlightening and funny.

My arm pain, thought to be bursitis, turned out to be radiculopathy. I gained a bunch of weight and started feeling really, really crappy.

Found out some other relatives had died or are in bad health. And that no one else knew about it.

We got Loki. And laughed, and laughed, and laughed. He’s quite the character. And we watched Sumi morph from a a me-me-me only childpuppy to a pretty benevolent big sister.

December

We put up our first Christmas tree. We went to Bayou’s company party where I found out the person most instrumental in getting me to Seattle died last year, at 48. I had no idea. The news was delivered to me in a less-than-empathetic manner.

Bayou’s great aunt Bobbie passed away after a short illness. We found out the Master Gardener Program was in danger of being cut, but just after Christmas Bayou got all the necessary paperwork to start her classes 1/9/2010.

Bayou was diagnosed with the swine flu, which she got shortly before Christmas. We both keep wondering if we can return it.

****

Looking forward to 2010, I hope -nay, expect- to see the following:

-improvement, if not resolution, of some or most of our health issues
-being debt free except for school loans, house, and car
-more musical proficiency
-job changes on one or more fronts
-trips to Kauai and somewhere else fun, TBD
-greater creativity, ala Rat City Rags

Whatever you’re hoping and looking for in 2010, may you find it all in spades.

The exercise Jill shared with me is called Bragging. And you can feel free to participate in the comments below.

The guidelines are:

-OWN it.
-No brag is too big or too small
-it’s a “Should”-free zone
-Stay positive
-Up-rides encouraged, compliments adored (an upride is someone mirroring back and validating what you have bragged about)
-Brags do not have to be huge- in fact, this is more about the little things than big picture stuff, but it can be both
-Acknowledge compliments (i.e. uprides) by saying ‘Thank you, it’s true!’ (NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO DISMISS THE COMPLIMENT, THIS IS THE ONLY ACCEPTABLE RESPONSE)

Ready? Here are mine:

-For the first time ever, I put up a Christmas tree instead of ranting about how much I hate this time of year. It made Bayou very happy, and surprisingly, made me happy too.

-I took an important step re: work that I’ll know more about soon. (Sorry, gotta be cryptic for now)

Your turn! Post ‘em in the comments.

As those of you who read me often enough know, this has been a bad year in terms of persona losses. First my Dad, then several family friends, then my Grandma last month. Right after she passed a dear friend and former roommate of mine died of cancer, aged 38.

Now my mom tells me a bunch of things have been going on in the background of our extended family on her side. All of this was news to her, too.

-My great Uncle Mark died in June 2008 of prostate cancer.

-His wife, my great Aunt Louise who I used to regularly emailed with and cherished, broke her hip in 2007 and has had four surgeries. Those have left her quite addled.

-My mom’s 1st cousin is dying of pancreatic cancer that’s spread to her liver.

And no one told us. My aunt had to Google my great Aunt’s son to find his contact info and that’s how it all came to light.

I don’t know why I’m surprised- or why I care. This is an epidemic on both sides of the family, and always has been. Why does it bother me? The answer is simple in some cases- even though I only met Uncle Mark and Aunt Louise once, I was very fond of them and had a good email correspondence with my aunt. (They live in FL)

Life got so hectic that I didn’t notice the months that had slipped by without hearing from her. I kept thinking I needed to make more time to get in touch, but I never did. And now I will regret that just like I regret not seeing Mom and Dad more often.

Part of me feels like I just need to stop caring. I can’t change the distance, I can’t change the circumstances that made my family so distant. Another part of me wants to nourish what’s left. But I am also tired of feeling like efforts and time spent never match up.

Perhaps I need to drop the idea of reciprocity between people altogether. We’re all different with different needs, and no matter what I (or someone else) wants or thinks is proper, those ideas are often unlikely to align. I should let go of expectations and try to enjoy the positives, whether they be emails, calls, card, visits, whatever.

And I need to ask questions. Because if I don’t, those family anecdotes will die and I’ll miss out on the chance to know more about times before my birth, family member who predeceased my birth, etc.

Why, why, WHY is that so hard to do? Have I been permanently damaged by this distance between everyone? I suppose I should be grateful that I have the awareness to even ask these questions, but the asking does not equate to comfort. Only a deeper, darker void.

Since I’ve been with The Cool Company, it was even less of a priority- this time of year is so hectic that the last thing I wanted to do was decorate.

Well, this year I promised Bayou we’d finally get a tree. We headed out to our favorite hardware store and got a Douglas Fir that’s about 7′. We picked up ornaments at Big Lots, where I took a picture of this tree and faked out some peeps on Facebook that that was the tree we were buying.

In the end, we got the basics together and our living room now has a suitable holiday vibe.

Merry Chrismuhanukwanizka!

I’m teaching myself basic blues guitar stuff from this book, and so far it’s going well. I’m getting re-familiarized with chords and I’m learning new stuff.

When we met with our friends V & D, the trained musicians, we talked about how tiny my hands were and how I might need to do some chords differently to compensate. Now, I have a strong bent towards doing things the “right” way, and I always try to do something as it’s intended initially and make adjustments later if I have to do so.

When learning the pentatonic scales in the book, I’ve been practicing the first of 5 and have gotten pretty good at doing it. But last night, I realized I had been doing the fingering wrong. The scale is:

5th fret/8th fret, 1st/4th fingers
5th/7th, 1st/3rd finger, repeat 3x
5th/8th, 1st/4th finger, repeat 2x

I was doing the 5th/7th ones with my 1st/4th fingers instead of 1st/3rd. It felt more comfortable, but I’m trying to correct it to match what the book describes.

The notes sound good and clear, so does it matter? I mean I understand the importance of technique and correctness, and I don’t want to teach myself bad habits that will hurt me later.

I’d appreciate other perspectives, music geeks. Bring it!

I had to struggle to straighten my arm. Ever since, it has ached. I’ve tried Advil, heat, a tennis elbow splint. Not much has worked.

Today my awesome Doc confirmed my fears of bursitis. We’re going to try a conservative approach first, and hope it works. Anti-inflammatory meds, then a cortisone shot if it doesn’t respond.

Fun. Getting old sucks.

I don’t recall much about my practicing or playing there, but I definitely recall playing it in Lake Tahoe. I even got an amp from a friend. It was nice to be playing a bit. The lessons in high school never really faded.

Then I moved to Seattle. The guitar once again moved with me. From place to place to place, all the way to our home of almost two years. Fast forward to October, and a chance conversation with some friends prompted me to pick it up again.

When I dusted it off a few weeks ago, tuning it was the easy part. The playing, not so much. Not only were my fingers rusty and slow, the guitar didn’t feel quite right. It was incredibly hard to push down the strings. We met up with our friends mentioned above, both musicians, and they spotted the problems right away.

The action -the little bar at the top right before the tuning heads- was very high, bringing the strings off the fret board. That means it takes a lot more pressure to hit the notes. Secondly, the neck was a bit bowed- meaning the bolt was out of alignment. On their recommendation, we took it to a luthier. His reaction was priceless:

“It would make nice wall art.”

Thankfully it didn’t cost us anything to find out it wasn’t worth repairing. But that meant we had a choice coming- how to continue practicing if we didn’t have an instrument? Guitar Center was having a sale, so we decided to go check out the guitars. I fiddled with a couple acoustics, including a rather nice 3/4 sized Martin. But none of them had quite the right feel. As I told Bayou before we got to looking, “I’ll know it when I hear it.”

I played and picked and held and coaxed chords out of numerous electric guitars. Fenders, Gretsch, and Squiers. Then I saw it. A black Les Paul Epiphone- shiny black with gold accented dials, tuning heads, and pickups. I picked her up and was pleasantly surprised to feel her lighter than others I had tried. There was an open amp with a cord nearby. I plugged her in and hit a tentative E major chord. A bright, honeyed chord echoed off the wall of guitars. It thrilled me to my core and I felt my smile broaden.

Bayou and I both played on the Les Paul for a bit. We loved it but weren’t quite sure. Bayou had a Strat that a friend of hers bought a few years back, and the friend was returning it to her in January. Did we want to wait that long to resume practicing? The price on the Les Paul was good, but Guitar Center’s sale required a food donation to a local food bank. We were woefully short on canned goods at that moment.

“Let’s go home and think about it. We can always come back with something.” Bayou agreed and we walked back to the car with my broken guitar and memories of the silken Les Paul.

On the car ride home, my mind was turning it over and over. Do I wait for the Strat to come home? Can I wait until then to pick up where I’ve left off? I felt my brow furrow as I pondered.

“What are you thinking baby?” Bayou asked. I told her I really wanted the Les Paul, but I wanted to be sure. So we decided to grab some canned goods and head to the other Guitar Center location nearby. As soon as we walked into the other location, I saw it- another Les Paul, with an amber/tobacco sunburst pattern. Amber-accented dials, two silver concealed pick ups.

A cool sales guy named Angel got me set up to try it. I told him about the other Les Paul we looked at. “This is a much better guitar, honestly, than the other one you looked at. And it’s not that much more than the one you saw at our Westlake location.”

I hooked her up to an amp and strummed. It was clearer and brighter than the other Les Paul. I played with distortion effects, adjusted everything I could think of. It blew me away- and Bayou’s face told me she heard it too. I think we knew this was it in less than three minutes.

About an hour later we had the new Les Paul and a renewed sense of possibility. We also bought the amp we liked best at a discount- it was a floor model and they didn’t have it new. I got about 40% off the price, which doesn’t suck. Here’s a photo of both- not the best quality picture, but it gives you an idea:

And every day it gets a little easier as the calluses build up. If I’m feeling adventurous I might even record a riff or two and post it here.