Don’t be nasty. (Syd, I’m looking at you.)

I had a dream last night that Bayou and I were shopping for clothes because we lost weight. (Something I reeeeaaaallly hope happens in the near future.) We were in this Costco-sized department store that seemed to go on for miles.

We found some clothes and decided to peruse the kitchen appliances. We came turned the corner on a BEHEMOTH of an oven/range. It was taller than we are, and it had a million dials/knobs on it. It looked like it was a steroid-engorged version of some of the stoves from the 1950′s- it was puce green, retro-style dials, no digital displays. It honestly looked more like a tank than a stove.

And it was $69,000. *facepalm*

Bayou was ridiculously excited about this stove, and was reading off all of its features to me in an attempt to sweet-talk me into the sale. She reads the list and ends it with the coup de gras:

“And it makes beer!”

That’s where I woke up. I think I may have been laughing.

…because I made my first pot roast of the season last night.

If you’d like to recreate this yummy-ness, here’s the recipe: Read more…

And I mean warped in the nice way. Only this friend would think to send me something this out-of-left-field.

I was waking by my work mailbox today when I noticed the interoffice envelope. My first thought was “I’m in trouble for something”, which is warped in a different sense.

I picked it up and noticed it had some heft to it. The book slid out quickly into my hand, and I found my eyes gravitating towards a purple post-it:

“WOW! I don’t think I’ve ever seen this book before- very cool.

*LOVE* my new bag- got lots of “that’s pretty!” comments!

~Kim”

The book was… Read more…

…how do you stop yourself from failing when you know you’re about to? How do you cease self-sabotaging out of sheer, utter misery with a situation?

Because I am that person who sits in your section, at your office, who has that black cloud of angst 24-7.

Because I lack anything substantive to say, and because I am massively fatigued from 18+ hours of driving yesterday/today, I present you with The Sneaky Squirrel.

Since I moved to my new team, there has been a lot of talk about how we help our wonderful Indian counterparts improve. Numerous discussions this week had me poring over the approaches I used when there.

Last night I dreamed that the Cool Company sent me back over to work with the new team, and when I arrived at the hotel I found:

-My room was terribly dingy and small
-It had no bathroom
-It had bunk beds
-There was a large pile of horse shit in the corner

I was of course astonished and disgusted. There were people cleaning the room when I arrived. The hotel employee who escorted me to the room said kindly, “Do not worry, ma’am, they are cleaning it up.”

Eyes wide, I shot back “How considerate- what about the rest of the room?! And where the hell is my bathroom?!”

That’s all I remember, but when I woke up this morning I couldn’t help but laugh. Later in the day Bayou relayed my dream to her friend RM, who listened intently and then pronounced:

“Here’s two dollars. You must go buy lottery tickets today.”

Ummmm, ok. RM is Malaysian, if that helps anyone shed light on why such a silly dream should be cause to buy the lotto. I’m dying to hear what made him say this. (Bayou bought the tickets, by the way.)

I just know it was the horseshit.

…but this has to be one of the funniest things I’ve seen yet.

Bayou and I were out and about yesterday when we saw the worst signage. It was for the Double Tree Hotel, offering its premises for holiday parties.

“Have your holiday office party in our restr. Call XXX-XXX-XXXX now.”

As we looked at it, Bayou uttered what we were both thinking:

“The way that’s written screams ‘restroom’ to me, not restaurant.” I laughed and agreed.

“What a place to have your holiday party, in the shitter. ‘Here, have your holiday party just like Larry Craig would have! Recreate the ambiance of the Minneapolis-St Paul airport bathroom here in Seattle!”

We were both cracking up by this point. I wasn’t even going to blog this until I saw this Fark tagline:

“Another sign of a bad economy: fewer tourists vacationing at the Sen. Craig bathroom in the Minneapolis airport”. Read the real article here.

She’s so tech-savy.

Looks like living in Seattle has turned me into a neo-Luddite hippie.

I took the 43 Things Personality Quiz and found out I’m a Self-Improving Self-Knowing Tree Hugger

That’s sort how I feel today.

Click here to see more puppies

Here’s one. The internet truly does have everything, doesn’t it?

(Click to embiggen)

Because don't YOU want to sit on something with pictures of sharp objects?

“Real Seattleites don’t use umbrellas.”

So what qualifies as a ‘real Seattleite”?

I’ve lived here for 9 years, but am not a native of Washington State. Does that make me a faux Seattleite?

Anyway, I NEVER use an umbrella, for two three reasons:

1. They’re more of a pain in the ass than a help. One more nasty wet thing to worry about, yay! NOT.

2. When it rains here, it’s rarely a downpour. More often it’s a soft, misty rain.

3. I play soccer year round in that shit. I DO NOT NEED AN UMBRELLA.

I guess that makes me a rain hard-ass or something.

There are a lot of reasons to research things- mitigating risk, general interest, perspective.

And oftentimes, money.

The eBay auction for this 1963 Pontiac LeMans Tempest started out innocently enough. Obtained after owner died. Appears to have original interior but no motor, no transmission. Body has a little rust and some dents. There’s stuff in the trunk, but no key to open it. Opening bid nine days ago was a mere $500. After one week, eBay seller 123ecklin will pocket $226,521 before auction fees. What happened between Day 1 and Day 9 is an amazing story.

Reading through the questions on the auction gives us reason to believe the seller truly didn’t know the car’s provenance. In his answers, he seems both surprised by the car’s potential value as well as overwhelmed by the attention. He turned down an offer of $160,000 to end the auction early because he feared getting negative eBay feedback. That decision paid off. With only seven minutes remaining, the highest offer was $95,000. When the virtual gavel fell, eBayer ccsi2000 had bought a very rare, if a little rusty, LeMans for $226,521.

Damn. I can’t imagine getting ahold of a car like that and not realize that I had something unique on my hands. The seller was very lucky to have turned his $500 bid into over $200g’s.

I am such a geek for odd things- for instance, I am total lover of pinball.

Ever since I was a kid, and my parents would bowl in a league together, I would play pinball while they bowled. I grew to love the controlled chaos of the machines, the way the ball would slam against the glass sometimes. I always hoped to see one break, but never did. And that’s a good thing. I like my eyesight, after all.

I don’t get a chance to play much, anymore, but when I do I totally love it. Which is why this article makes a little sad.

We have a cool place or two here in Seattle to play, like Shorty’s. Closer to home we have Full Tilt.

I need to raid the piggy bank for some quarters and go play. Just because.

My friend Texass sent this URL via text message, and I’m damn glad. I needed a freakin’ laugh today. Apparently, it’s the week of Assclownery. It’s getting old.

So I may be the only one who finds this funny, but what the hell.

I work with an investigator who is German, and we share a love of photography. I’d sent him a link to our Flickr account to see the photos from last weekend. He perused for a bit then IM’d me:

“What’s Lach?”

I explained my nom de guerre.

“Ah,” he replied. “‘Lach’ in German is the hint to laugh, ‘lach mal’ means just laugh.”

Well, well. You learn something new every day. The origins of my name are this:

“The boy’s name Lachlan \l(a)-ch-lan\ is pronounced LAHK-lin. It is of Irish and Gaelic origin, and its meaning is “from the land of lakes”. May also possibly refer to a Viking ancestor or mean “bellicose”.”

Laughing and bellicose. Some nice irony, there.

Especially if it involves watching Amy Matthews deconstructing and reconstructing it all.

Damn hot for a blonde.

And yes, this is how I wash off the stink of the presidential debates.

Courtesy of the Uppity One.

As someone who busts the Internet bad guys, this one makes me laugh every time.

The p-p-p-powerbook story is one of great internet detectivery, drama, scamming the scammer, and lulz. Once upon a time, there was a SomethingAwful goon named MyNameIsJeff. His friend named Corey had an Apple Powerbook in brand-new condition which he wanted to sell, because it was 9 days past the 10-day return limit. Jeff tried to sell it on eBay with a starting price of $1,700 and a Buy It Now price of $2,100, and eventually got this awkwardly-worded reply:

“Hello I am very interested in your unit. I would like to know your best price if you buy it now and if you ship international. I am in London UK right now. I would also like to know the condition of the unit. Please let me know I am very interested. Thank you in advance.

Thank you,
msalamon”

Jeff responded that he would ship to London, but that msalamon would have to pay the overseas shipping costs.

But that’s not all Jeff did. Click through to read the rest.